The Grace of Grief

Hello Friends!

A few weeks ago I began sharing messages at theBridge about disappointment. I’ve entitle the series “When God Doesn’t Work.” (These are on tB’s website.) It’s been personally refreshing to share what I believe is one of the central messages of all the Scriptures: Difficulty and pain are part and parcel of our earth experience; yet, in them, God is unwaveringly good and irresistibly loving.

No teaching on being disappointed, or having life NOT turn out as planned would be complete without visiting Job. I believe he may be one of the most under-appreciated and under-honored ancient followers of God. Going back and purposefully looking at how this great man responded to, what is clearly an unprovoked attack on his life, has given me a new admiration for him. This guy was unbelievably strong in the midst of unbelievable tragedy.

In looking at Job’s life, I have been struck most recently by his response the disaster that befalls his life. Unlike me with my western manners and perspectives on loss, Job is fully unhinged in his expressions of grief. Job 1:20 says that he “tore his rob and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped.” My attention in reading this passage previously had always been on the fact Job worshiped in the midst of such incredible pain. (He’s just been informed that all his material wealth has either been stolen or destroyed and his 10 children have been killed by a natural disaster. Both these events occurred in a single day.)

I had never given much attention to the manifestations of grief that Job exhibits. He’s a man out of control! Ripping clothes, shaving off hair, and then falling to the ground (the word for falling can mean “casting” or “throwing” down), Job is a sight! He is broken, and more importantly, is apparently unashamed of who sees or what they think of his display.

How different is this from the way most people I know and observe process grief? We shed tears (a few and mostly in private), we put on brave faces; we utter the “right” words and recite the “right Scriptures.” We stifle the bigger outbursts because first, “big boys don’t cry,” and second, “Christians don’t mourn like the world,” do they?

While I’m not out to condemn anyone for “grieving wrong,” I do feel like I, and many others I know, miss one of God’s greatest blessings by failing to engage in healthy grieving. To deny our feelings in the midst of tragedy rejects a capacity that God has given and a release that He intends. We are made with the enablement to grieve with deep emotional expression. If so, why do so many of us become uncomfortable with that kind of emotional outburst?

Moreover, it seems that there is a genuine connection between the process of intensely grieving and the ability to worship the Almighty in the midst of acute pain. I believe that Job was able both to worship and then speak some of the most incredible words of truth and trust recorded in the Bible because he had “let it out.” Pure worship can flow out of a vessel cleansed by tears.

Further, there is a grace that flows into our hearts when we weep over loss. We connect ourselves with the saints of all ages. Likewise, we affix our experiences to God himself – One who was grieved, saddened, and unbelievably disappointed by the choices and consequences of His most beloved creations. (That would be us.) We unite our own hearts with Abba’s when we grieve.

While I’m not after turning the church I lead into a mass of crying Christians, there is much to be said for letting the our grief be truly released and fully felt. I want to pastor a people able to display their own hurt and disappointment, but also who encourage and walk with others who do the same. Our broken, crumbling world is in dire need of Christ-followers who have walked through the darkest valleys, with all the emotions they invoke, and can still say “Blessed be the name of the Lord.” People need to see that we experience the devastations of life and are still able to declare that “His love endures forever.”

In this we will be like my new hero: “In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.” (1:22 ESV)

With both tears and hope I am your friend,

 Tim

Comments

[warm fuzzies, Jul]

You know Tim, not too long ago, while living in Briar Run I experienced this very thing. I was so completely shattered on so many levels. There came a point went I just decided to take my pent up anger, frustration,disappointment out on Him and I just didn't give a darn what the outcome would be. The time for patient endurance was OVER! So, I cut loose! There were many days when I just railed & raged at God... how could he let my health deteriorate, my childs health was questionable, our home was gone (Berryville,) I was alone and yet surrounded by people... I will spare you the gory details of just how ugly I got with Him but there was blood on the floor. After the raging came the deep sense of grief & loss over dreams unfulfilled, etc... Much of the time was spent in tears, sobbing & weeping over the loss of the life I had wanted. Finally after all the rage & grief were spent, I deliberatly determined to worship... really worship Him... I knew He was the only one who could fill me up! And thru that season in my life I came to know my Daddy God - really know Him! I clearly heard him say, 'Stop fighting me and let me walk with you and help you thru... These are good things in your life... you just cant see that right know. Trust me... wait & see what I will do ...' Look, I am still here despite getting ugly with Him. There weren't any lightening strikes or condemnation. There is only grace... Believe it not we are so much closer than ever before... We have withstood the fires together and a relationship has been forged that will not and cannot ever be broken! Jeremiah 31:13 (the Message) says: 'Young women will dance and be happy, young men and old men will join in. I'll convert their weeping into laughter, lavishing comfort, invading their grief with joy.'
THIS IS MY GOD! I like the song 'It is well with my soul' but its so somber. For me, today, I sing Matt Redmens 'Dancing Generation!' PRAISE GOD!

[NLT]

Pastor Tim:

Wow! Isn't what you write so true.

Grief - it stirs up so many emotions that we just are not free to express at that moment. Somehow and somewhere we have developed the learned behavior of not allowing ourselves to get out of control. However, when we are alone, those emotions and some that we didn't think were there, come bursting forth like a broken dam swallowing us up. We want someone to take away the pain, to heal the brokenness but this will be a journey all in itself.

We need to relearn how to release our emotions to our Lord, whether thru suffering or gratitude. Unlike Job, we need our Christian family to embrace and uphold us during a time of heart wrenching grief or explosive worship.

In either event God is teaching us about Himself and how to become more like Him

[C]

grief.. something none of want to experience but of all the 'tools' God uses to draw us to Him this is perhaps the most graceful..I read a book once that made the following declaration," if we didn't need love as humans we wouldn't need God..when we feel so wiped out by tribulations abd unfortunate circumstances of 'life' isn't it awesome that we can come to the foot of the cross and just cry out..everything we got comes out then which is cool cause consequently that is what Our Daddy ask of us..to have dominion over every aspect of our lives. we as followers can't alienate a hurting member of our body simply cause its not the most pleasurable thing to hear and thats why the Bridge is so awesome cause when someone hurts within the body, the rest of the body is there praying encouraging and loving that individual through the grief. Pastor, this has to be a tough subject to speak on but necessary..there is NO DOUBT in me of your connection to The Father cause your 'nailing it'!! Thank you for your dedication!!